There is a Greek chorus in my head. They whisper endlessly about me, and their judgements are cruel. Born of nature, born of nurture – it could be worthwhile to trace down each identity, each voice. There are seasons for such research. This is not that season.

I am a traveler, moving towards a new identity. The chorus howls and screeches at my every step. They know that where I am going is a land where they are fundamentally unwelcome. They throw the weight of their words at me, seeking to slow my progress, tie me in knots, double me back on ground I’ve walked before. They say they only want me to be perfect. They say that I am not worthy.

The woman who calls me by her own name, that woman cares little for judgement. She hears Another’s voice, and answers His call. The Greek chorus would sometimes call her lazy, sometimes crazy, and always they’d want to know what she was doing and where she was going. Something to evaluate.

They serve the physical. The social. They use words like, “what will people say” and, “could be better”. If you are building something to plan they are a valuable asset. But when it’s time to knit sunbeams into gold, they grumble about practicalities and untested ideas. They are incapable of faith, trusting only in what they have seen.

These faithful counselors have been at my side for decades. I will not call them useless. But they scoff at the transcendent, and it is to the Transcendent that I have dedicated my heart. Where I am going, they cannot come.

The silence feels empty, a bit perilous. How do I know where I stand, if they are no longer judging me? What if I misstep? Who do I trust? Myself? I step away and return, a little further each time.

To travel is not yet to have arrived. They criticize this too, even in my departure from their control. I am judged in my failure at removing myself from their judgement. And so, although I can still hear them, I must ignore them. It is my heart which moves first, and my heart must seek approval Elsewhere.

It is only in closing my ears to their song that I will truly hear His.