Finding the common ground in religion sounds difficult. I have found that it is most easily found in the minds of those who take their religion seriously, and commit themselves to the practice. You’d think the most religious would be the least likely to find common ground, but exactly the opposite is true.

C.S. Lewis made this point in his preface to Mere Christianity, “It is at her centre, where her truest children dwell, that each communion is really closest to every other in spirit, if not in doctrine. And this suggests that at the centre of each there is a something, or a Someone, who against all divergencies of belief, all differences of temperament, all memories of mutual persecution, speaks with the same voice”.

This is not to say that I think that everyone is right, or that all roads lead to Heaven. I don’t. But when you get serious about any spiritual pursuit, you can simply say these things to another serious person and be understood. I’ve been told that I was hell-bound because of my own beliefs. It’s not offensive, because I understand that it comes from a place of concern. And because I must say it as well, I understand how little the speaker wants to utter those words. (If, of course, they are a serious person. Trolls and people of ill-will are not part of this discussion).

Common ground in religion allows us to discuss serious topics with serious people without getting distracted by team jerseys. There is much wisdom to be had, and in the search, in the arguments, in the hashing out and thought that come with them, wisdom grows.

Submission and marital roles are much in the news at the moment. Apparently trad-wives are offensive and brainwashed and trad-husbands are ogres. Surely no serious person believes this? Of course in times past, power differentials led to ugliness. Power differentials still can, and do. That’s the difficulty with power differentials. And humans.

Perhaps a serious person might have a conversation that went more like this: “In my religion, we believe that accepting the role of wife or husband comes with a set of sacred responsibilities. We also believe that submission to this set of responsibilities, and choosing to bear the burden of same leads to the greatest long-term happiness (as a rule, not a guarantee). You do you, boo, but we would be remiss if we didn’t tell you how good it is over here”. And the counterpoint that one can never trust humans (because humans!) and then how do you really do life makes for a rich ground for thought. Self-discipline feeds into this discussion, and power dynamics, and the economy, and family systems… it’s not simple. It’s not two lines and done.

And we should have these discussions. We should work to find common ground in religion, because until we speak quietly and with respect, we don’t know where we agree with one another (but call what we do by different names) and where we simply cannot agree. Finding common ground gives us the opportunity to build relationship, it forces us to examine our own beliefs and commit more deeply, it gives us a window to the wonder of the Truth that God sprinkled throughout His creation. And it gives us the ability to disagree respectfully and be heard.