Daydreams vs. reality… how many of us dream of a new life, a life in the country? The statistics indicate that I am only one of many. But statistics only show the ones who have left, not the ones who dream of leaving. 

Why would you want to leave your home? I was born here, raised here, I married here, raised a family here, my parents are here. I know the pathways and the taste of the wind after a good rain. 

In this place I should call home, I have rarely felt as if I belonged. What does it feel like to be “home”? Surely it is more than just “somewhere I keep my stuff”. Perhaps the home of your body is not necessarily the home of your heart. My body is certainly at home here. But my heart? Where is the home of my heart? 

I have always loved the country, the wild places. I like grey days and cloudiness and drizzle and trees and rocks. Waves crash in my soul. In those wild places, in a tent or a cabin, I’ve found more “home” than I have in walls of stucco. I relax in the wild, I loosen muscles that are tensed even in my own living room. 

I dreamt of moving north for many years. But the changes in the political landscape have closed those doors, even in my mind. Daydreams vs. reality… the tide has gone out and left me high and dry. 

Why should politics matter? Home is home, is it not? But how can I be at home, when I am constantly told that I am anathema? I am forced to watch the wild places I love disappear, I am forced to watch the things I love best disintegrate. I am made unwelcome.

People leave their homes for political reasons. My great-great-grandparents left Ireland because they were less important than sheep. I wish to leave my home because likewise, when I speak to my government employees, I am dismissed. I am not alone. 

People leave their homes for opportunity, or the lack thereof. My other great-great-grandparents pioneered. I want the opportunity to do things with my life that I don’t have the space to do where I live. Unfortunately, paid employment is thin on the ground in the places I dream of living. Daydreams vs. reality – reality wins. That’s why I haven’t left here yet. 

My dreams are as yet, just dreams. I research places where there are rocks and trees, water and wildness. I look for places that I might pursue my business in peace, and not worry over speaking my heart. 

In these dreams, there is challenge. A change of location would mean that I would have to build new community networks. It would mean learning the land, the people, the weather, and their ways. In daydreams, everything goes perfectly. In reality, there is no such thing as a ‘perfect place’. Daydreams vs. reality – there will always be a tug-of-war.

When you find your new reality, your new home – will it be home? Will you sink in your roots and bear fruit, or will your new reality leave you dissatisfied? It is important to be realistic while dreaming. After all, wherever you go – there you are.  It would not do to leave behind “that thing that makes me crazy” and find that it came with me. There are always unknowns – will roving moose be a bigger problem than gangs who do street-takeovers? Moose kill people too. 

I dream of building a home for myself, and a refuge for others. I dream of a warm hearth, a well-stocked pantry, and room to work. I dream of looking out my window and seeing nature, not concrete. I dream of quiet.

Daydreams vs. reality… will my dreams ever win?